hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
