I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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