She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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