I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
