she smelled like a LAN party
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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