**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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