no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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