i think my tv is drunk
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
