I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
