Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
