I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
