Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
