you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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