loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
