You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
