If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
