you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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