I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
