I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
