new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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