exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
