I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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