i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
