I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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