I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
