Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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