is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
