Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
