i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
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for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
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A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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