it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
