He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
