dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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