I want to stick my p in your. b.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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