how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
