How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I miss vodka workout Fridays
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
