Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
