You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
