that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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