8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
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