just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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