It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
