Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize