hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
