Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
