I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Randomize
