A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
