So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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