Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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