dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
