I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
