The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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