I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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