3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
