Define "chronic" masturbator.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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