stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I want to be your penis for a week.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
