so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
