We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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