My balls are so social today.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
