i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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