I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
