The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
