you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
