saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Randomize
