Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
