You just made me feel so damn special
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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