its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Randomize