I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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