Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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