Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.