She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."