Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
no you cant smoke seaweed
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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