I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.