We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher