Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He kissed a someone with a penis
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
