Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
