My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
