I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
