She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize