Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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