Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
