my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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