Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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