I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
