bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
