Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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